


wildest dreams

by spiritedaways



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, TW// these two don't appear til later but im tagging now, doyoung is a child of nepotism but with a twist in a Way, doyoung seems like a total dickhead but i promise he isn't, i've been listening to taylor swift a lotttt, old hollywood with dotae, seulgi and taeyong bffs, so yeah this is based off the song wildest dreams and the mv ;), this is mostly taeyong centered, you'll find out why he is the way he is soon enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:21:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22567747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritedaways/pseuds/spiritedaways
Summary: rival film stars kim doyoung and lee taeyong are set to star side by side in their feature film,wildest dreams. the two never fail at a chance to bicker, but what happens when the two begin to learn of each other's deepest scars and childhood life? do they still render hate or does love blossom?[ please, no do not repost my work anywhere at all unless stated otherwise on my accord. thank you ]
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Park Sooyoung | Joy
Comments: 19
Kudos: 85





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> [tenofnct](https://twitter.com/tenofnct)  
>  hello y’all, it has been a while since i posted anything !! pls tell me what you think of this fic, i really enjoyed writing it and i hope y’all will enjoy reading 🥺🥺

_He said, "Let's get out of this town_  
_Drive out of this city, away from the crowds"_  
_I thought, "Heaven can't help me now"_  
_Nothing lasts forever_  
_But this is gonna take me down_

Taeyong gazed at his costar ever so lovingly. Doyoung was going over his lines, a thick cigar in his hand. “Taeyong, turn to me.” pattered his makeup assistant, Jaemin. Taeyong paid no mind until Doyoung locked eyes with him. His breath fell short as he finally turned to Jaemin, eyes low. “Staring so much isn’t helping your case.” Jaemin muttered, dusting a faint pink blush across his cheeks. 

“I’m aware.” Taeyong spoke softly, letting the fresh air of the savanna fill his lungs. “Shooting is almost over.” 

“Hmm,” Jaemin hummed, his finger gently highlight Taeyong’s sharp cheekbones. “A short eight months. These last few days, however, will stretch longer than you think.” 

“It doesn’t matter. This won’t last forever. We were bound to fall apart from the start.” Taeyong shooed Jaemin’s hand away. “Let’s get this over with.” Jaemin prepped last minute touches on Taeyong as he let him onto shooting grounds. 

The crew adjusted their lights and camera, making sure everything was picture perfect. Taeyong glanced over to Doyoung once more, his co-star getting his hair touched up. The cigar was burned out by now. That was a habit Taeyong asked him to stop. He never listened. 

“Perfect.” Irene, their director, said as Taeyong stood beyond the sunset. “Doyoung, come in… good. Close up in three, two, one…” 

No matter how many times Irene counted down, the feeling of Doyoung’s lips on his own shook him to his core. Doyoung’s large hands encapsulating his face, the grip of his fingers against Taeyong’s pulse. The sun was low, the warmth touching their sun kissed skin. Taeyong was hoping this wouldn’t be _the_ perfect shot. He never wanted it to end. 

“And cut!” Irene shouted. “Perfect. That’s a wrap for today.” 

The kissed lasted for a few lingering moments, before Doyoung pulled back. His eyes ran over Taeyong’s face before gently letting him go. Taeyong gulped as Doyoung stepped back, heading back to his villa, he guessed. Taeyong wrapped his arms around himself, feeling hurt, even if he knew it was silly. 

“C’mon,” Seulgi, his assistant, whispered in his ear. She wrapped a light, cotton shawl over him. “It’s time to wash up.” She rubbed her hands up and down Taeyong’s arms and he was grateful for the comfort. 

“Okay,” he whispered as he watched Doyoung’s figure retreat, getting smaller. “Okay.” 

🥀

Doyoung and Taeyong never liked each other. That was in the beginning, of course. 

“He is the most pretentious, stuck-up, pompous, bastard in the entire industry, Seulgi!” Taeyong huffed. He crossed his arms, perking a brow towards his assistant. He said he’d never work on a film with Kim Doyoung and he stood by that. 

“Taeyong,” Seulgi rubbed her temples. She knew breaking the news wasn’t going to be easy, she just expected at least some understanding. “It’s only eight months.” 

“ _Only_ eight months?” Taeyong scoffed. He plopped down on his body sofa in his New York apartment. “You say that as if it’s so short.”  
`  
“Because it is. Most movies you shoot range from ten months to a year.”  
Taeyong grimaced because he knew she was right. 

“Doesn’t matter. I’m never going to do a movie with him.” Taeyong turned to his side and faced Ruby. 

Kim Doyoung, birthed _Kim Dongyoung_ , was the son of the infamous director, Kim Joon-ho. Everything in his life was hand fed to him. His movie debut, his academy award, even his record deal with America’s biggest music company. All the newsstands claims he produces and writes his own music, works on the scripts of the movies he works on, and to rub it in, can speak multiple languages. The nepotism of Kim Doyoung was highly disorienting. Taeyong couldn’t help but feel envious at times.

Envy is never pretty, but it was hopeless not to feel when Taeyong compared himself to the man. Taeyong worked from the ground up for his career. His mother moved from Gwanak-gu to America when he was just a child. Not a lick of english and less than a hundred dollars to his family name. 

_“I’m doing this for you, my son.” Junhee spoke to him when he was older, patting his cheek. “They will like you more if you know their tongue.”_

_“But Korean is my tongue.” Taeyong insisted. All his friends knew a second language, yet he was still fluent in english only. The last time he spoke Korean was when he arrived in America. It didn’t help that his mother never spoke it anymore. “I want to learn, Amma.”_

_“No, Taeyong. They will only hurt you.” She turned back to the shirt she was sewing. Their life was made through those hands. Junhee stitched and stitched until her hands bled._

_“But Amma, please. I’m the only one who doesn't know another language. I feel embarrassed when they ask me to speak and I can’t. Amma, are you listening? Just simple words, anything—,”_

_“Lee Taeyong, I said no!” His mother shouted. He shuffled back, startled by her yelling. “No,” She heaved, her chest rising and falling. “I said no and that is final. You are my son and I will raise you the way I want you to be raised. Understood?”_

_“U-Understood.” Taeyong swallowed dryly._

He truly didn’t understand it then, but he did now.

“I worked hard for my spot in the limelight.” Taeyong told Seulgi. “I can’t have it taken because of a man like Kim Doyoung.” 

“You won’t.” Seulgi moved Taeyong’s legs off the couch momentarily, sitting where they once were. His legs were now draped over her thighs, Ruby staring at him stiffly. “If anything, this movie will bring more limelight to you.” 

“You sure about that?” Taeyong scoffed. “Everyone loves _him_.” 

“They do. But they also love _you_ , Tae.” Seulgi insisted and it was true. His last movie, Jet Lag, boomed in the box office and broke the record for the highest grossing film of all time. Taeyong was happy he got acclaim, but the reason behind it was dark. The record was previously held by Doyoung himself until Taeyong took the reign.

Taeyong had no problem with Doyoung. He admired the man. That was until he heard what he had to say when reporters notified Doyoung of the takeover. 

_“Doyoung, Doyoung, did you know that Jet Lag, starring Lee Taeyong, overtook your record for highest grossing film of all time?” A reported yelled._

_“Oh, yes, I am quite aware.” Doyoung spoke through the flashing cameras and microphones in his face._

_“What do you have to say for it?”_

_“What more is there to say?” Doyoung rolled his eyes. “The people were swayed by a decent film, but it was starring a mediocre actor. Some of us worked hard to get where we are. Don’t worry, I have a new film in the works and it’s ready to take back what was once mine.” Doyoung smirked and waved one last time to the heave of reporters as his chauffeur took off._

The new film was Wildest Dreams. It was no surprise when reports broke that Doyoung was casted as the brooding and sexy lead. What _was_ a surprise was Taeyong being casted as the sweet and soft lover.

“Fine. I’ll do it. Only for you. And Amma.” Taeyong sighed. This was going to be the longest eight months of his life.


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> implied sexual assault occurs in this chapter!!  
> please, if you are uncomfortable with this please, please, do not read and if you choose to, read with caution. a '*' will indicate when it will occur and end.

_He's so tall and handsome as hell_  
_He's so bad, but he does it so well_  
_I can see the end as it begins_  
_My one condition is_

Taeyong’s first meeting with Doyoung was in the board room. It was their first script reading and Doyoung looked breathtakingly handsome, his height hovering over Taeyong just so slightly. It sickened Taeyong to his stomach that he forced himself to look away. 

“Good morning all, thank you for coming in so early.” Irene spoke to the cast and crew who were present. “Today we’ll be going over the first couple of scenes as well as some dialogue between Doyoung and Taeyong, as their characters will meet sometime later in the story. Please take your seats.” 

Murmurs of agreement and nodding heads spurred throughout the room. Chairs scraped against the floor and Taeyong scrambled for a spot. Seulgi grabbed his forearm and led him to a the head of the table, next to Irene.

“Miss.Kang,” Irene sent Seulgi the brightest smile Taeyong had ever seen. It made even him blush. “It is lovely to see you’ve accompanied Mr.Lee this morning.” 

“Of course, I wouldn’t want to miss this.” Seulgi replied as her cheeks turned red. Taeyong internally scoffed, not even mad that his assistant was getting at the director of his movie. He pulled out Seulgi’s chair for her, as she was too preoccupied with gazing into Irene’s eyes.

Taeyong went to sit in his own seat, but startled when he felt his own chair being pulled back. He shifted and grabbed onto the closest thing near him, which happened to be the one and only Kim Doyoung’s forearm. Looking up, he realized that was the first moment he ever made eye contact with Doyoung. 

“My apologies,” Doyoung said. “I was mistaken with the fact that this was my seat.” Doyoung spoke lowly, but Taeyong could sense the lie underneath his tone. He wanted this to happen and for whatever reason, Taeyong didn’t know why. 

“N-No,” Taeyong cursed himself for stuttering, but he couldn’t help it when those eyes were locked on his. “This is indeed mine. Thank you for.. that.” He couldn't bring himself to say, ‘saving me,’ in front of a round table of hundreds. 

“Any time, Lee.” _Oh_ , so he was going to play it like that. 

“Ahem,” Irene cleared her throat. Taeyong pulled himself from Doyoung’s arms and finally nestled into his chair. “Thank you. We’ll be going over the first scene. This is between Doyoung’s character and Freida’s character, they are discussing what is going to happen on their embarking trip in the savannas—“ 

Irene’s voice was drowned out by Taeyong’s thoughts. It was only of Doyoung. _Doyoung, Doyoung, Doyoung._ His arm felt like it was burning whenever Doyoung’s arm brushed against his own. At times, he felt himself nodding off. His character didn’t come in until the second part of the script, and he honestly doesn’t know why he showed up for this first half.  
Boredom stroke once again, so Taeyong sat up and read his character’s storyline. 

_Kaito Kim (Lee Taeyong) is world renowned anthropologist. He was recruited by American explorer, Daesu Lee (Kim Doyoung), to take an expedition across the globe to the savannas of Africa. Daesu believes he discovered the remains of an ancient town and needs Kaito’s assistance in figuring out the secret that lies beneath the rubble. The two brave the dangers of the savanna together as one. Their spirit blossoms into one of friendship. However, their friendship soon changes into something more when they begin to find a home in one another. What led them to this change of heart? Tune into, Wildest Dreams, to find out._

_However, their friendship soon changes into something more when they begin to find a home in one another._ Taeyong re-read that line in particular, over and over. 

“—yong? Taeyong? Are you listening?” Irene’s voice broke him out of his daze.

“W-What? Yes, of course. I’m sorry, I was.. thinking.” Taeyong cleared his throat, suddenly feeling nervous about all the eyes pinned on him. “Now, where were we?” 

“We were just going over _our_ first scene together.” Doyoung explained. “Isn’t that great?” 

“It is.” Taeyong replied shortly. “Shall we begin?” 

“One moment.” Irene spoke up. “It’d be better if you two faced each other, hm?” She quirked a brow. “Go along now, turn…a little bit more. You call that a turn? There, perfect. Now you can begin.” 

It seemed as though you could hear a pin drop in the room. Doyoung cleared his throat and began to read. 

“Mr.Kim,” Doyoung started and Taeyong silently snickered to himself. How ironic was it that their characters had each others last names. “It is a delight to finally meet you. I’ve heard nothing but good things regarding you and your work.” 

“Why thank you, Dae—I mean, Mr.Lee. The honor is all mine.” Taeyong internally gagged at the lines. Why is Kaito so smitten with Daesu? Taeyong resisted the urge to vomit.

“Please, call me Daesu. I like my name on the tip of your tongue.” Doyoung spoke in a sultry tone and he made sure to make direct eye contact with Taeyong. 

Taeyong shuddered. Doyoung’s voice was _sexy_ and it turned his gut. Everything he was doing was like pricking a thumbtack into his skin. He licked his lips, taking his time to read the next line. 

“Of course, _Daesu_.” Taeyong answered back in an equally sexy tone. “I can’t wait to begin our journey together. I feel you have much more to offer.” 

“That I do. We’ll be heading out together just before sun break tomorrow.”

“So soon?” 

“Let’s just say I’m eager to find these ruins. They mean a great deal to me and my fortune.” 

_You got that right_ , Taeyong thought to himself. “Understandable. Well, I’ll be heading back to my tent soon. I need to rest up before the big day tomorrow. I will be seeing you, Daesu.” 

“And I you, Mr.Kim.”

Taeyong let out a small gasp when Doyoung grasped his hand and pressed a lingering kiss to the back of it. Stage directions weren’t acted out during script reads, but Doyoung felt daring to say the least. Taeyong still felt the warmth of his lips when Doyoung pulled back. He brushed his fingers over the spot, trying to do so inconspicuously, but failing when he saw Doyoung’s smirk from the corner of his eye. _That bastard._

“What a lovely script read.” Irene and the rest of the room clapped. Taeyong turned red while Doyoung welshed the feeling. “That was amazing, really. Your chemistry was practically bouncing off the walls.” Irene smiled. “Same time tomorrow for the second part of the read, alright? Don’t be late, you have the rest of the day off.” She spoke to the rest of the room. 

Chairs were once again being pulled back and Taeyong quickly got up from his seat. Seulgi was speaking to Irene, but Taeyong figured she could find her way to the car herself. He successfully made it out the door, but didn't reach far when he felt a tug on his wrist. 

He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. “ _Kim_. I suggest you let me go.” 

“Oh, we’re going with last names, huh? Why the harsh tone, Lee?” 

“You started it.” Taeyong countered like a child. “And I think you know why.” Taeyong turned to face him. 

“What a blow to the heart.” Doyoung finally let go and put his hand to his chest, faking hurt. “What is going on in that pretty little head of yours?” 

“I am not up for games right now.” Taeyong huffed. “Don’t feign hurt with me. You’re playing a charade for everyone here, but you and I both know the truth.” 

*“The truth? That you fucked your way to the top?”

Taeyong stumbled, his back hitting the wall and tears filling his eyes. “W-Who told you that?” His voice was barely above a whisper. 

“So it’s true then?” Doyoung moved closer. “You fucked the director of Jet Lag.” 

“It is _not_.” Taeyong spat. “It isn’t true, at all.” Taeyong wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “You don’t know half the shit I went through to get where I am today, and I don’t want to hear anything. Especially not from you.” 

“And why not? Because I actually worked hard to get to where I am?” 

Taeyong couldn’t help the scoff that left his mouth. “You and hard work do not fit in the same sentence.” 

“But it does for you? Little Lee Taeyong, the rags to riches story everyone eats up? I know the truth. Director Yoo told me himself.”  
Taeyong turned his face, not wanting to hear anymore. Doyoung didn’t know the truth. And of course he’d believe a director who is friends with his own father and has been in the industry for years over Taeyong’s. That’s why Taeyong never came out with his truth. The real truth.  
“The way you’d deliver, what did he call it? _Sexual fantasies?_ Hm. Even I expected more from you.” 

“You don’t know. You’ll never know.” Taeyong shuddered. He swallowed whatever bile he felt in his throat and wiped his tears away. “Eight months. Just pretend to like me for eight months and this will all be over. You’ll never have to see me again.” Taeyong pushed himself off the wall, but left with one last note. “And Dongyoung?”  
Doyoung didn’t turn, in too much shock that Taeyong used his real name. “Please, don’t _ever_ bring that up again.”*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise, doyoung gets better <3
> 
> [tenofnct](https://twitter.com/tenofnct)


	3. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls be warned!  
> mention of sexual assualt will be implied/spoken of in the following chapter. please read with caution, and remember you are loved.

_I said, "No one has to know what we do"_  
_His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room_  
_And his voice is a familiar sound_  
_Nothing lasts forever_  
_But this is gettin' good now_

The first four months were hell. They fought and bickered with each other at every given chance. Irene even attempted to interfere, but nothing worked to stop the heated tension between the two actors.

“Are you sure this is safe?” Taeyong eyed the string wire warily, biting his lip while doing so. “It seems very…feeble.” He pulled the string to emphasize his point. 

“It is 100% safe, Mr.Lee!” The stuntman reassured. “The test dummy did fine and so will you.” 

“But that test dummy is smaller than me. What if it… snaps?” Taeyong gulped staring at the height he was going to be brought up to. From there, the wire was going to bring him to a small hill to shoot their next scene. 

“Is that all you do all day? Complain?” Doyoung blew out a puff of smoke. Taeyong looked over to him and sneered. “If they say it’s safe, then it’s safe.” 

The stuntman who seemed not to want to get into their argument slowly backed off and headed into the field with the rest of the crew, leaving Taeyong and Doyoung alone. 

“ _Me_? You know how many re-shoots we’ve had to do because the sun wasn’t ‘ _in your angle_ ’?” Taeyong rolled his eyes. “And besides, this wire seems unsafe. I could…die.” 

“And you won’t.” Doyoung bound up to him, the cigar hanging from his lips.  
Taeyong glanced at it. “You know those things could kill you.” 

“Hm?” Doyoung raised a brow. “A cigar?” 

“Yes.” Taeyong huffed, the smell of the smoke giving him a headache. “A report by the Daily Times proved it.” 

“The Daily Times, hm?” Doyoung blew out more smoke. “How reliable are they?” 

“I’d say pretty reliable.” Taeyong shrugged. This was the most civil conversation they had since.. well, forever. “They cover most top stories and they’re all true. Why would they lie over the harm of cigars?” 

“This evidence, you say, is new isn’t it? How do we know it’s all true? Did you know, Taeyong, that their papers are funded by the top doctors in America?” Doyoung looked him in the eye and stuck the cigar in between his lips again. “Of course they’d report something like that, they want the common man to stop smoking something that isn’t dangerous. They want money. So they put out false stories and sway us all. Isn’t that relishing?” 

Taeyong looked up at Doyoung and furrowed his brows. “Well then. Could you at least not smoke them? Near me, at least? For your health and my own.” 

“Caring about my health all of a sudden, Taeyong?” Doyoung chuckled. “What a surprise.” 

“Who said I never cared in the first place?” Taeyong challenged. He saw the shock register in Doyoung’s eyes, but what he said wasn’t a lie. 

Irene’s voice sounded throughout the set, not giving Doyoung a chance to reply. “Alright, Taeyong, you’ll be getting sent up in just a few moments here. Doyoung, remember your placing and put that cigar out, please.”  
Doyoung scrambled to light out the cigar, Taeyong’s words catching up to him. He shoved it from his mind and moved to his placements. 

“Three, two, one…move Taeyong…perfect…” 

Taeyong’s anxiety spiked as he saw the ground getting smaller. The string was holding well, but he still had a far amount to go until he reached the top of the hill. Tears welled in his eyes and he pushed them away. You’re going to be safe and you’re going to be fine. Taeyong repeated like a mantra. 

That was until he wasn’t safe and he wasn’t fine. The wire began to loosen and Taeyong felt a small scream tear from his throat. He looked up and saw it snapping, one by one. Oh no, I’m going to die here on a savanna with Kim Doyoung. “Help!” Taeyong shouted, but he was too far up to hear. 

Doyoung watched as Taeyong’s legs were kicking out. He moved his eyes upward to the wire and _oh god._

“Stop, stop, bring him down!” Doyoung shouted to the stuntmen crew. They looked over bewilderedly at Doyoung’s outbreak. “Look at the wire, it’s going to snap!”  
Gasps sounded throughout the field and they rushed to pull Taeyong down. Fear spiked through Doyoung, his heart pumping as if he just ran a marathon. 

“Can you hurry?!” He shouted to the crew who fumbled with the buttons. Taeyong was coming lower, but not fast enough. The wire was on its last legs, and _fuck_ , Doyoung felt his heart lurch. 

Taeyong felt relieved when he saw the ground getting closer, but it wasn't enough when he felt the cord, _snap!_

No scream left his mouth, just a small gasp only clear to his ears. His eyes watered and his life seemingly flashed before his eyes. His mother, Ruby, his elementary school, Seulgi, his first casting, _Doyoung_. 

It’d all be over. 

Until it wasn’t. 

“I got you, I’m here, I’m here.” Doyoung’s voice soothed. Taeyong clutched onto his shirt, for once grateful for the smell of Doyoung’s cigar scent. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.” Doyoung whispered to only him. 

Taeyong heaved, pulling back. They were on the the ground, Doyoung’s arms secured around his waist. He stared down at Taeyong, almost lovingly. 

“That’s enough for today.” Irene told the crew. Someone was pulling Taeyong from Doyoung’s arms and he was reluctant to let go. Taeyong’s tear filled eyes locked with Doyoung’s, even when they wrapped Taeyong in a blanket and shoved his hands filled with a warm cup of tea. They never left Doyoung’s. 

🥀 

“He saved my life.”

It was dark by now, the sun was low and the sky was a blue hue. 

“He did. But he also hurt you with his words, Taeyong.” 

“I know.. I know he did.” Taeyong shrugged from his place on the window ledge. No matter how much Doyoung’s words tore at his skin, he doesn’t know why he still gravitated toward the man. It was an endless brawl between them both and after todays events, Taeyong was tired. He only hoped Doyoung was too. 

It was cold at night and Taeyong searches his mind for why he chose to only dress in a thin silk robe and his small boxer shorts. A breeze blew over the room and Taeyong pulled his robe closer to himself.

“You love him.” Seulgi said in the darkness. His villa overlooked the clear savanna, the large animals of the kingdom looking so tiny from his view. Taeyong didn’t reply, reining his attention to his fingernails instead.  
“I’m going to go. Get a good rest, Taeyong.” Seulgi came over and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. 

Taeyong let a tear slip when he heard the soft click of the door shut. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. He never really hated Kim Doyoung. But Kim Doyoung hated him. 

Five minutes past and he heard a gentle knock on his door, so faint he was sure he imagined it. It happened again, louder this time. He furrowed his brows. Seulgi had a key, if she forgot something in his room all she had to do was enter. He let it go, until it happened again. 

Groaning, he lifted himself from his comfy spot and dragged himself to open the door. “Seulgi, what did you forget? You couldn’t have waited until—,” Taeyong’s breath hitched when it wasn’t Seulgi at his door, but Doyoung. 

“Taeyong.” Doyoung said, his eyes looking over his appearance. While Taeyong was in little to no clothes, Doyoung was dressed in a pair of black cargo paints with a white top. So simple yet so captivating. 

“D-Doyoung. To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“May I come in first?” 

“Oh! Oh, of course. My apologies.” Taeyong opened his door wider, allowing Doyoung to slip in. His robe brushed against Doyoung’s thigh and it was only then he realized his showcase of skin. He hurriedly tied it together, but it still didn’t leave much to the imagination. “Would you like something to drink? Tea? Water?” 

“I’m good, thank you though.” Doyoung told him. Taeyong shuffled back to his spot on the ledge. Doyoung moved to the lounge sofa set next to it. “I would like to apologize once more. For not believing you when claimed the string was weak.” 

“Well,” Taeyong let out a dry laugh. “You seem not to believe a lot of things I say.” 

Doyoung’s mouth set into a thin line. “Here you are once again being so vain. I come here to be civil and you just have to ruin it all.” 

“Me? I’ve tried to be civil with you since the first day we met, but you had to ruin it with—“ Taeyong stopped short, not noticing when he stood up. His head pounded and his eyes pooled with tears. 

“With what?” Doyoung asked. 

“You know _what_.” Taeyong sniffled, seating himself back on the ledge. 

“Is this about Director Yoo?” Doyoung rolled his eyes. “How is it my fault when you let him—“ 

“I didn’t.” Taeyong stopped him short. “I didn’t let him. More appropriately I didn’t want to let him do anything. I didn’t consent to any of the things he did to me and he—“ Taeyong let out a dry sob. “He didn’t care.” He pulled his knees to his chest, leaning against the side of the ledge. 

Doyoung was taken aback. He didn’t want to believe it. The man who was practically Doyoung’s uncle. Who Doyoung let into his house hundreds of times, the man who helped Doyoung start his career. But the way Taeyong was shivering, and not from the cold, was the indication that his words bled true. 

When he didn’t say anything, Taeyong spoke again. “It’s okay if you don’t believe me. I wouldn’t expect you to—,” 

“I do. I do believe you.” Doyoung felt like his throat was closing in. “Yoo was always…off, now that I think about it. The way he’d speak of the people he casted. The rookies.” Doyoung got up and sat next to Taeyong on the ledge. He looked so broken and Doyoung felt the urge to fix him. 

Taeyong let out a deep breath. “He.. he was so nice at first. He spoke to me as if I was a human and not an object. I was swayed and I just,” Taeyong shook his head, a small laugh of disbelief leaving his lips. “I just feel so stupid now that I look back.” 

“Don’t speak of yourself so lowly.” Doyoung said. 

“Why not? You did.”  
Doyoung winced at the accusation. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. For a second time. I won’t make it a third.”

“I accept. I can see why you didn’t believe me. Director Yoo is somewhat close to you and your family, yes? He’s an acclaimed director and I…I’m new to this. So why would you of all people take my word over his? In fact, why would anyone take my word over his?” 

“We can bring him to court.” 

“We? Doyoung, this doesn't involve you. It can never involve you. It’ll ruin my career more than his. He’ll be okay. I won’t.” 

“What if I want it to? What if I want it to involve me? I can help.” 

“Doyoung, you can’t. This won’t last forever.” Taeyong turned to him and let his legs down. Doyoung tried not to look at his milky thighs, shining in the moonlight. “Do you understand? No one can know. No one.” 

“Do you trust me?” Doyoung averted his eyes from Taeyong’s thighs to his face. 

“W-Wha—I mean, I guess. Of some sorts.” 

“I need a yes or a no, Taeyong. Do you trust me?” Doyoung inched closer and Taeyong’s breath hitched. His hands found Doyoung’s and he squeezed. 

“Y-Yes. I do. I do trust you.” 

Doyoung moved his face closer to Taeyong’s and let their noses bump. Taeyong breathed in his scent, which no longer smelled of cigars but instead the smell of a savanna breeze. Doyoung moved his hand to Taeyong’s cheek and rested it there, caressing the high cheekbones. “May I kiss you? I need your consent. That is something very important to me.” Doyoung whispered into his skin. 

“Yes. Please.” Taeyong grabbed Doyoung’s wrist, keeping him there. “Please, kiss me.” 

Taeyong doesn’t know who moved first, but it didn’t matter. This was their first kiss that wasn’t staged for the camera and Taeyong felt his heart soar at the thought. It wasn’t for the entertainment of others. It was just Taeyong and Doyoung. Doyoung and Taeyong. The way it was meant to be. 

Taeyong squeaked in surprise when Doyoung’s arm wrapped around his waist as he carried him to the bed. The sheets were soft against his skin and Taeyong moaned at the feeling of the softness and Doyoung’s hands over his body all at once. 

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this.” Doyoung said while littering Taeyong’s neck with kisses. “Your lips are so hard to resist, I just wish they were laced with mine all the time.” 

Taeyong gasped. “D-Don’t leave marks. They’ll realize.” 

“Is that so bad?” Doyoung undid Taeyong’s initial tie of his robe. “Is it so bad that they know?” 

“N-No.” Taeyong was in a state of bliss with Doyoung’s mouth on his body. “No one has to know what we do.” Doyoung’s hands were in his hair, his shirt thrown onto the floor. 

“I want them to know. It’s only me and you.” Doyoung kissed his lips full on once more. “Can you give me this? Just for tonight?” 

“Yes, _yes_.” Taeyong pulled him back down. “Just this once. And we can go back to normal.” 

Nothing lasts forever. But Taeyong knew this was getting good now.


	4. iv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw/ suicide   
> this chapter contains mentions suicide, not very graphic but it will be spoken on, please heed with caution !! <3

_Say you'll remember me_  
_Standing in a nice dress_  
_Staring at the sunset, babe_  
_Red lips and rosy cheeks_  
_Say you'll see me again_  
_Even if it's just in your_  
_Wildest dreams, ah-aah, haa_

“I’ll stop.” Doyoung pressed soft kissed to Taeyong’s shoulder blade. “I promised you I would. The day you fell. I promised.” 

“That was four months ago, Doyoung.” Taeyong sighed. By now, the articles explaining the harms of cigars were proven true. Doyoung never listened. 

“I mean it this time. I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“You won’t. Not anymore.” Taeyong reassured. He turned back, his face now buried in Doyoung’s chest. The smell was of course of cigars mixed with Taeyong’s lavender scent as well. The smell was now home to him. It was terrifying. 

“Tomorrow is our last day filming.” Doyoung ran his fingers through Taeyong’s raven hair. 

“Don’t remind me.” Taeyong said shakily. He thought the past eight months were going to be the longest of his life, but it turned out to be the opposite and how he wished he could turn back time. 

“Oh, my love,” Doyoung pulled Taeyong closer. “Don’t stress your head. We’ll be okay.” But he and Taeyong both knew it was a lie. They were bound to fall apart from the start and Taeyong cursed his heart for falling for a man like Doyoung.  
“How is your mother?” He changed the topic to get Taeyong’s mind off the mess they call their relationship. 

“She’s doing well. Thank you for asking. Ruby keeps her company when I’m away.” Taeyong smiled at the thought of his mother and his dog. They, along with Doyoung, seemed to be the only things that kept him sane. The whirlwind of Hollywood didn’t fail to keep him off his toes. 

Seulgi was already suggesting another project, but Taeyong didn’t know if he was prepared to go through another year of filming and shooting. The stress this film took on his body was overwhelming. Not only his body, but his _mind_. 

What Taeyong and Doyoung were doing was risky. There was no doubt about it. Every move was calculated and only Seulgi and Jaemin knew. Jaemin figured out more recently due to the stares Taeyong would send Doyoung’s way. 

If Doyoung’s father found out, there was no saying what would happen to the both of them. It was better to stay in the dark, no matter how much the thought hurt Taeyong. Not even the fact Taeyong suggested that it should stay between the two of them. 

“Tell me about your family, Doie.” Taeyong said into Doyoung’s skin. He knew Doyoung never spoke of his home life with reason. He shivered when Doyoung’s fingers moved down his spine. 

“You know about my family.” Doyoung spoke after a long period of silence.

“I know the fabricated story of your family. I want your story.” 

“Father came from Guri-si.” Taeyong made a noise from the back of his throat and Doyoung knew it was because that was an area well known for its wealth. “Mom agreed to anything he said, even if it wasn’t the best choice. He packed everything and moved here. Bought over some property in California and built his business from there. He was educated of course, had a degree in microbiology, but he never wanted to do that. So he spent some of our savings on a huge film camera. He shot small things. Silly skits and such. They premiered in local theaters and that’s how he made his living. It wasn’t until a big shot filmmaker saw one of his films and offered him a job. And no surprise, at that time Gongmyun was born. Father was just getting started and had no time for a baby.” 

“So you guys had a father, but you also didn’t have one.” Taeyong traced Doyoung’s collarbones, understanding his situation better. “I’m sorry I misjudged you. It was never my intention.” Taeyong took back all of his thoughts of Doyoung being pompous.

“Don’t worry, my love. I can see why you’d think that.” Doyoung pressed a sweet kiss to Taeyong’s forehead. “And, you’re right. I had a father, but I also didn’t. His works were getting bigger and better, more and more people flanked the box office to watch anything my father produced. It was good income for us. He was always wealthy, but this shot him through the roof. My mother supported him, but always begged him to come back. To take a break, even for a day, just to spend time with the family he’d forgotten.” 

“But he didn’t.” 

“No. He didn’t.” Doyoung’s voice turned cold and Taeyong knew it wasn’t because of him, but the thoughts of his father. He sat up, the sheet slipping off his skin. Taeyong followed suit, resting his head on his back. He wrapped his arms around Doyoung’s chest from behind, listening to the beat of his heart. “He never came. He chose a different woman.”  
Ah, of course. The Kim Affair. It was infamous in the world of Hollywood. Everyone knew, but they also didn’t.  
“It was a young actress, way younger than my father. She was pretty, but not as pretty as my mother. She was just something new my father could dig his hands into. The story goes he got her pregnant and I was born, but that isn’t true. My mother was pregnant with me before he left to shoot the movie. I guess that was his parting gift for my mother.” 

Taeyong stifled a gasp. He never believed the news, but hearing the truth from Doyoung himself was shocking. 

“She had grown depressed when she found out about the affair. After I was born, Gongmyung and my mother cared for me. I had only met my father briefly in my youth. I remember asking Gongmyung who the man was.” 

“And your mother?” 

“I was seven when she died.” Doyoung let out a deep breath. “I don’t remember much of her, but I do know she loved me. She gave me all the love she could muster. The news reported her death was of unknown illness, but I remember walking into the bathroom and seeing blood everywhere—,” 

“Doyoung, no.” Taeyong moved forward and grabbed Doyoung’s face in his hands. “You don’t have to, please. I understand.” Doyoung sighed, taking Taeyong’s hand off his face and pressing a kiss to his palm. 

“I know you do. But if I am going to show my scars to one person, it’s you.” Doyoung’s eyes shined with tears in the orange shade of the setting sun. “I screamed. Gongmyung rushed in, then the ambulance arrived. The pink water stained my clothes. I screamed and cried until my throat was raw. It was all I remembered before waking up again. That was when my father decided to leave his promiscuous ways. Her funeral was devastating. She addressed a letter to me, but I’ve still never read. I don’t know if I ever will.” 

“You should. It might give you closure.” 

“It might. Or it might lead to more open ended questions.” 

“You’re right. But might I suggest you do whatever your heart is most content with.” Taeyong told him and in that moment Doyoung was glad his heart chose Taeyong to love. They sat in silence before Taeyong spoke up. “Can you teach me?” 

“Teach you?” Doyoung was puzzled. 

“Korean.” Taeyong said and Doyoung understood. 

“You couldn’t have asked sooner?” Doyoung joked and Taeyong giggled, shoving him playfully. “But of course I’ll teach you. You never have to ask.” 

“But I do. I always do.” Taeyong nuzzled into Doyoung’s skin. “Teach me something.” 

“Alright. _사랑해_.” _Salanghae_. _I love you._

“Hm. _사랑해_. Was that good? What does it mean?” Taeyong asked. 

“It means you’re cute.” Doyoung lied. 

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Taeyong’s red stained ones. The action made Taeyong suddenly sad. He pulled back and headed toward the balcony of Doyoung’s villa. His silk gown slipping down his shoulder slightly. 

The strap was pulled back up by Doyoung, coming from behind and pressing kisses to Taeyong’s neck. “What’s on your mind?” 

“Us. The future. Everything after this is over.” 

“I told you. We’re both going to be fine.” 

“Doyoung, you and I both know that isn’t true.” Taeyong said. “Can you promise me something?” 

“You know I’m not good at those.” Doyoung said and it made Taeyong smile. 

“I’m aware. Fine, let’s call it a request.” He felt Doyoung nod into his neck so he continued. “Remember me. Standing here with you, say you’ll see me again. Even if we both know it’s just in your _wildest dreams_.”


	5. v

_You'll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night_  
_Burnin' it down_  
_Someday when you leave me, I'd bet these memories_  
_Follow you around_

The months following the wrap up of wildest dreams were the hardest. The film was wrapped in August, leaving the film to premiere for the next year. Taeyong was alone. 

“You miss him.” His mother said as Taeyong watched Doyoung’s interview from the television. 

“Dreadfully.” Taeyong spoke in a whisper. He was rubbing Ruby’s fur, watching Doyoung’s smile brighten the screen. “I wonder if he thinks of thinks of us.” 

“I’m sure he does.” Junhee rubbed his shoulders. His mother was the first, and only person, off set he told of his affair with Doyoung. “His smile isn’t reaching his eyes.” 

“How would you know?” 

“I’ve seen you smile like that too much to know the difference between a real and fake one.” Junhee reminded. She was a mother after all. 

“He looks _fine_ , though.” Taeyong shut the TV off, sure that he’d burst into tears at the sight of his former love if he stared any longer. “He took on more projects after our film and… and he seems to be doing so well. I can’t help but think he’s forgotten of me.” 

“My son,” Junhee patted his cheeks. “You probably haunt his thoughts more than you haunt his.” Taeyong sent his mother a soft smile, appreciating her words. “Now, let’s eat. I can hear your stomach rumbling from here.” 

🥀 

“There’s a new project I found. The name is Skyfall and it stars a spy who was recruited by the government to track down a criminal, only to find they’ve fallen in love. Does it sound like something you’re interested in taking on?” Seulgi lay out her files and folders filled with scripts, head shots, resumes, and upcoming schedules all for Taeyong. 

“How long is filming?” Taeyong asked. That was crucial to him now. He couldn’t risk what he had with Doyoung to happen once again, though he doubted it. Doyoung seemed to mend a place in his heart he didn’t know needed mending. 

“Six months.” Seulgi said. “It starts filming in August of this year.” It was only the end of January now and the press tour for wildest dreams started. Seulgi informed SM Studios he wasn’t going to partake in it, though. To sit next to Doyoung for hours on end and pretend he wasn’t in love with him was going to be hardest job of his life. To lie. Ironic how it’s his job to lie, and he can’t fake his emotions for one man. His facade crumbles. 

Doyoung’s team also decided he wouldn’t partake in the press tour, and Taeyong didn’t know if it was because of him or if Doyoung’s schedule was too packed. Taeyong liked to think it was because of him.

“I’ll do it.” Taeyong told her. Not because he was ready, but he figured it was time to move forward. 

“Alright.” Seulgi filled in some forms. “I’ll let the studio know.” 

“When is the premiere?” Taeyong scanned through his old head shots, thinking of how different he looked. His eyes were rounder, his cheeks were chubbier. He smiled. His eyes landed on one of Doyoung. He assumed it was there due to the casting of wildest dreams. 

“Soon.Two weeks to be exact. It is going to be held on February 14th.” Seulgi didn’t want to let him know, but alas, it was something he knew he had to attend. 

“Two weeks from now. Isn’t that just silly?” Taeyong let out a dry laugh. “Valentine’s day. And his birthday to begin the month. In a couple of hours, by the way.” They sat in silence before Taeyong blurted the question that burned at the back of his mind. “Do you think he loved me?” 

“I’m sure he did.” Seulgi sent him a sad look.

“He never said it.” Taeyong gulped. “I never said it either, but does it matter? I have to show up to this stupid premiere and see him anyway. The man I love, no longer in my arms.” 

“It’s only the beginning of a new year, Taeyong. You have plenty of time to heal.” Seulgi packed her things. 

“Can I keep this?” Taeyong showed her the headshot of Doyoung. She shot him a small smile and nodded. 

“Of course. It was never mine to begin with.” Seulgi pattered over and pressed a small kiss to Taeyong’s forehead. “Get a good rest, Taeyong.” 

Taeyong let a tear slip when he heard the soft click of the door shut. This time there was no knock. This time it was just his tears and the tick of the clock. He baked a cake. It was chocolate swirled with vanilla. _His_ favorite. The candles he chose were blue, like the hue of the nights they spent together. The bell let out a soft toll when the clock hit twelve. 

“Happy birthday, my love.” Taeyong said to an empty room. He heaved in a breath and blew out the candle. 

🥀 

Premiere day. The day Taeyong had been dreading since the end of the film. 

Jaemin packed his eyes with concealer. “Your eyes are so red, people will believe you’re sick.” Jaemin said and he put on some more. 

“Love sick.” Seulgi stated. She was going through last minute preparations and her comment caused Taeyong to only slightly roll his eyes, because she was right. 

“Very funny.” Taeyong said and sighed. He did have to admit, Jaemin did a very swell job at covering the fact he’d been crying for hours. Jaemin dusted his cheeks with a rosy blush and tinted his lips with a deep red shade. All of it complimented his features perfectly and Taeyong felt better by the seconds. “All of this for a premiere.” 

“ _Your_ premiere.” Jaemin insisted. “You know, critics are saying this film might top Jet Lag? Fans and common people are already boasting about it.” 

His words made Taeyong feel somewhat better. He wanted to see the trauma of filming Jet Lag gone from the records. Yoo didn’t deserve the place. If anything, Irene did more. Not to boast, but she did a truly spectacular job on the film. And it made Taeyong smile when he thought of Seulgi finally getting a date after so long of fretting over her. 

“You’re right. Everything will go well tonight. I’ll be fine, my movie will do well. I’ll be fine.” I’ll be fine, Taeyong reminded himself. 

🥀 

Jaemin fixed his face and hair once more before the driver opened his door. Taeyong sent out his most dazzling smile, waving to the crowd. Flashing lights and screaming fans filled his eyes and he almost felt dizzy. 

Stardom was still so new to him. He was so used to hatred that getting love from strangers felt new. But the love he got from Doyoung was unmatched. Seulgi flanked his side, making sure no one would try to throw themselves on Taeyong. 

Taeyong looked around and he saw Doyoung getting interviewed. Doyoung locked eyes with his and he saw who was next to him. Bile rose in his throat when he viewed a tall and handsome woman on Doyoung’s arm, his hand reaching to cover Doyoung’s own She was perfect. The woman’s visuals fitting Doyoung’s so well, Taeyong felt his heart clench. He looked away, Seulgi drawing him away from the scene. 

“—superstar Doyoung is joined by his _lover_ tonight!” The reporter exclaimed. 

“That I am. It also happens to be _Sooyoung’s_ birthday.” Doyoung smiled lovingly towards him, Sooyoung, he said. The same way he smiled at Taeyong. “Thank you for your time, but we should be heading inside as the film will start soon.” 

🥀 

The film was half way done and Taeyong had to turn away every time he and Doyoung kissed. Especially the scene after their first night together. It was almost the climax, their final kiss was displayed and Taeyong leaned over his seat. He actually wasn’t surprised to see Doyoung already looking over to him. 

Doyoung’s brain begin to fill with his memories of Taeyong. Their legs tangled in the sheets, telling Taeyong the truth of his past, the sinful words he spoke in Taeyong’s ears. His true love seated so close yet so far away. The memories they held haunted Doyoung, every thought filled with Taeyong only. By the time he gained back his senses—

Taeyong shot up from his seat, fleeing from the theatre. Nothing hurt more than the look on Doyoung’s face in that moment, knowing he could never have him the way he once did. Doyoung left him. 

His car was waiting for him and Taeyong was grateful for it. The crowd was cleared, leaving the bright lights and stray movie posters riddled on the red carpeted floor. The Hollywood sign seemed to mock him. 

Taeyong heard his name being called, but didn’t turn back. 

“To my apartment, please.” Taeyong told the driver when he entered the vehicle. The drive sent him a nod and he was off. He laid his head on the window, his head bumping slightly due to the gravel of the road. 

Doyoung appeared in the side view mirror, pulling at his hair. A tear slipped from Taeyong’s eyes at the look on his face. He looked lost, but Doyoung made his choice and he made his. He watched Doyoung’s figure get smaller and smaller until it was gone. 

“In your wildest dreams, my Doie. All in your wildest dreams.” Taeyong spoke to himself.

🥀 

“What’s wrong, Doyoung?” Sooyoung appeared at his side. 

“He said only in my wildest dreams.” Doyoung said to himself.

“What? Doyoung, _my Doie_ , you aren't making any sense.” Sooyoung stepped in front of him and the nickname sounded wrong coming from Sooyoung’s lips. 

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong. Let’s go back inside, yeah? The movie isn’t over yet.” Doyoung grabbed Sooyoung’s arm and led him back into the theatre. Physically he was here, mentally he was back in his villa with Taeyong, watching the sunset and kissing Taeyong’s red lips. 

_In your wildest dreams._ Taeyong told him. And he was right. 

🥀 

“—and how do I say ‘I love you’ in Korean?” Taeyong asked Seulgi. He had forgotten his assistant knew their language. “I want to surprise my mom.” 

“Isn’t that just adorable?” Seulgi squished his cheek. “And you say it like this: 사랑해. Salanghae.” 

Taeyong thought she was playing a sick joke. “That isn’t funny.” He scoffed. 

“What? What do you mean?” Seulgi furrowed her brows. 

“That means _you’re cute_.” Taeyong laughed, but stopped short when Seulgi didn’t join him. “W-What? Isn’t that what it means? That’s what Do—I heard. I heard it means you’re cute.” 

Seulgi shook her head. “I don’t know where you heard that from, Taeyong, but it means _I love you_. I should know, I tell Irene all the time.” Seulgi smiled. 

Seulgi went back to her work and if Taeyong wasn’t sitting already, he probably would have collapsed. His mind rendered the memories of his last night with Doyoung.

_“Teach me something.”_

_“Alright. 사랑해.” Salanghae. I love you._

_“Hm. 사랑해. Was that good? What does it mean?”_

_“It means you’re cute.”_

His eyes filled with tears.

“Seulgi. I think I made a mistake.” Taeyong said. 

“How? Everything on the form looks correct.” Seulgi paid no mind, too preoccupied. 

“He does love me. He did love me.” Taeyong shut his eyes. 

“Taeyong, you’re making no sense.” Seulgi looked concerned. “Are you okay?” 

“I-I’m fine. Just thought of something.” Taeyong’s eyes glanced over to the headshot of Doyoung he kept tucked away into his cupboard. Unnoticeable to the blind eye, unless you really paid attention. 

Doyoung’s voice played once more. “사랑해. It means you’re cute.” 

Doyoung did tell Taeyong he loved him. Taeyong never knew. And now, Taeyong figureed it was too late. Was it too late? He’ll never know. 

It was all in his wildest dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo... that’s it!  
> sorry if i broke your heart, i’m still deciding if i want to do a follow-up or not, but i do know what happens to the couple!! let me know what y’all think and thank u for reading ❤️❤️
> 
> sep2020: tbis isn’t an update Update, but i changed jaehyun to sooyoung bc i wanted to make it more realistic for 50’s american hollywood , therefore i updated that part. but! i am writing a follow up between doyo and taeyong so don’t worry, y’all will get closure! i’m working on it now, so expect it either this month or the next! i say this long bc i started back classes and such. other than that, stay safe everyone :D


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